Thinking of my Dad

I miss my Dad very much. October 8, 1947 to January 14, 2006. I can only hope the time I spend on this planet is filled with as much passion, hard work and energy.

Thought of my Dad

I saw this today and immediately thought of my Dad.
This will go perfectly on my school webpage for my awards. I have a pigeon award and an eagle award. The Pigeon Award goes to a student with superior citizenship and is named after my Dad. The award is a pigeon trophy that he won in a contest. The Eagle Award is for academic excellence. The award for the eagle is a wooden carving of a eagle.

You can see my class awards page here: Class Awards

Reminds me that I need to hand out the next ones on Monday. I always have the kids nominate others and then I make the final determination. But, this is always a great few minutes to hear them discuss how much they appreciate each other. I always have some great classes in the days after giving out the awards.

Missing You...

Dad,

I am missing You a lot today. Thinking about you and conversations that I would have with you if I could only pick up the phone and call you.

There is not a day that goes by where I don't think about you and miss you.

I know that there are a lot of things that I have accomplished in the past two years that you would be proud of. How I have worked hard with Aidan, AVID, Teacher of the Year, ... but probably none as impressive as winning $300 in a fantasy football league. I know you would have bragged at work about that one! :) I just wish you could have been in the league... oh wait, you probably would have figured out a way to beat ME.

Someday I hope to see you again, look in your eyes and give you a huge hug. But, I see you every day. When I look in the mirror... when I look into Aidan's eyes and see him doing something totally ridiculous. I realize... I am your son and Aidan is mine. And I am VERY lucky.

Missing You Today,

Your Son

Also see: Dad One Year Later and RIP TED

Sad Times in Humble

Our school district has gone through a really tough week. At the school where Norma and I used to work HHS, they lost their principal this week. He had a series of heart attacks. He was a young man it is such a terrible loss for the community.

Tomorrow at AHS we are going to replace our usual red/white/blue with purple to support our sister school. I have a drawer full of old Humble shirts. So I am actually very happy to wear one and support everyone that is going through such a tough time over there.



We also lost our school board president the very next day to a heart problem. That was also a terribly tragic loss. He was young as well and it is just a shock to everyone. He spoke at our back to school meeting last year and was so impressive.

Of course, these terrible tragedies have reminded me so much this week of my dad. Tonight in the car coming home I was telling Norma the story about how great a whistler my dad was. He could do one of those 'fingers to the lips' whistles that would 'bring the cows home.' And that whistle used to bring me home for dinner when I was all over the neighborhood. I swear you could hear it for miles away.

Aidan was in the back seat and said, "Daddy's Dad?" And Norma tried to explain we were talking about Pap Pap (what all the grandkids called my dad). Aidan said, "Pap Pap? Nooooo... not Pap Pap... Pappy!" It is because he knows Norma's dad's name is Pappy. But, I started to explain that my dad isn't around anymore... boy did I start to cry. It really hits me at the strangest times. I was very happily going along and explaining it with no problem and then POW.

So tonight before his bath I picked up Aidan and showed him the pictures of my dad holding him. They are along the steps going upstairs. Aidan looked at the pictures, then back at me and said, "Your dad." Just like, ok. I get it now. Then he said something that really made me laugh, "My Daddy looks YOUNG." And he reached out and touched my beard and laughed. I guess I didn't have as much grey back then! Observant little sucker!



I really miss my Dad and I want to keep his memory alive by telling stories to Aidan. But, I am going to have to learn to stop crying someday. That makes it a lot harder.

Letters from my father

Tonight my step Mom Fran brought down a big binder filled with letters my Dad wrote while in the service back to his Mom. It was really something to read through them all. They document my father going into the Air Force just after high school. He is in Lackland Air Force Base in Texas in training. Then in Michigan where he was stationed. Then there are letters about him about to go off to Vietnam, when he marries my Mom... then letters from when he returns and is stationed in Clovis, NM where I am born. But, not anything from Vietnam. I thought that was a little odd. Maybe the Vietnam letters were kept somewhere else?

Really something how my grandmother kept just about everything he wrote. She pasted the envelope (with the $.05 stamp!) and then put the letters inside the envelope with the opening at the top so you could take them out and read them. So flipping through the book was like reading each of his letters. I am sure there are some that are not in there and are missing. It was really interesting to read what was going on in his mind. Mostly worried about pigeons, his car, insurance, and my Mom. His car sure did break down a lot! (some things never did change, did they? He always bought clunkers it seemed. Although there was a nice receipt in there for a brand new Ford Mustang convertible that he bought)

It is odd though. Sitting here in his old office of his house on his computer... writing about him... and missing him. And it was terribly strange to read these letters written by him to his Mom. We lost both of them so close together. My Dad was my grand mother's baby. There is a picture above the TV of my Dad and his Mom during the last year of her life. Every time I look at it I just think of the two of them sitting in heaven (or wherever they are) sharing the kinds of stories like those letters were about. I also think they are watching some of my Grand mother's favorite TV shows!

Life sure is a strange thing. It flies by, doesn't it? One day you are making a big decision or a part of something that seems really important at the time. The next day may seem ordinary. But, aren't they all so important, really? Time is relative. And we have to understand that we base everything upon the events that are happening to us and give that time importance. But, the older I get the more I realize that every minute of every day is actually just as important as the next. And we have to cherish all of them. Even car insurance worries and letters about sending money to a son.

Those letters make me miss him even more because I had a chance to read his words and hear in my mind that wonderful sense of humor that he had. In one of the letters addressed to his Mom and Dad at the very bottom my Dad wrote:

Karen's Mom asked me last weekend if I "Slept with Her daughter?" I replied, "Not a wink!" He He.

Karen is my mother. Karen's Mom - of course - my grandmother. As I read it I could see that look in his eye, that silly grin. I think about him a lot when I make some silly crack. Sometimes I wonder, did my father also make that kind of remark some day in his life? I am sure he did.

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Father's Day

Norma took this picture tonight as we walked out of Toys R Us. Aidan and I both wore our Steelers jerseys today to remember my Dad by. I really, really miss him. Of course, isn't that what everyone says? But, it is something different for me. I miss him because I can't handle that he won't be able to see his grandson this week when we head back to Pittsburgh. It crushes me.

The past few days I have not been feeling well at all. Haven't been sleeping well. It makes perfect sense. In the back of my mind, I am dreading going home. Only because I will be front and center thinking about my dad and Norma's mom. It just isn't fair that they can't play with Aidan and that Aidan is never really going to know them. (only what we can tell him - and we will tell a lot)

But, this trip is for one big reason - my sister. I am really looking forward to seeing Aimee and Bill married. It is an enormous thing. I was thinking about it this weekend and it finally hit me... this is the last wedding in our family for a long, long time. Norma is the youngest and all of her brothers and sisters are now married. Aimee is the last on my side to get hitched. So it is a neat thing.

Of course, Norma and I got married the easy way - in Las Vegas! (which I highly recommend, see the previous link for why) But, it will be wonderful seeing all of our family together. I look forward to meeting Aimee's finance's family. Bill is a wonderful, wonderful guy. I am so excited that he will be another "brother" (in law) of mine. He is someone I have a lot in common with and he's always a blast to be around. I just wish we all lived closer. Norma and I are so lucky to have so many brothers and sisters that we get along with so well.

Can't wait to take lots of pictures and video of our trip. I will try to blog a bit from PA and get some pictures on here. It'll make it easier for me when I return. Just after we come back from PA it'll be the 4th (and our anniversary). Then I am off to San Diego for a week for AVID training. It is a busy busy couple of months here.

Norma made this a really special Father's Day to me because she got me a mug with Aidan's picture on it. I'll use that at work for my daily cup of tea during my planning period. Next year that'll be during 4th period. And I'll need it with as much work as I will be doing. There is something special about a nice cup of relaxing tea right in the middle of the day. And it will be even more special because I'll be seeing Aidan on my cup - with his AHS sweatshirt on, too!
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Dad - 1 Year Later

R.I.P. T.E.D. Oct. 8, 1947 - Jan. 14, 2006

Today is the one year anniversary of my father's death. Strange thing is that the weather in Houston is going to be the same as the day he died for the next 3 or 4 days. Cold, rainy... ugly. The weather fits.

I have been keeping myself pretty busy today. Cleaned the house this morning after making Norma and I breakfast burritos (which were kickass). Went and got my haircut. Watched the first half of the 1st game today on TiVo, slept for an hour, watched the 2nd half and OT on TiVo.

But, now Norma and Aidan are still asleep for his nap. And I'm sitting here alone. And I'm thinking about my Dad.

The whole thing just stinks. It stinks that he is gone. It stinks that I am so far from my family on a day like today. It stinks that Aidan isn't going to know him. It stinks that I don't have his image or voice on tape... or video. (although I really will have to look and see if I took any video of him during his trip to Houston a couple of years ago).

It stinks that I don't have my Dad around any more. For me. I guess I have been worried about everyone else this weekend. The brothers-sisters have been sending lots of email... talking about how they are feeling. I've been listening. But, suddenly this afternoon... it's me that is upset... for me. I guess that is suddenly selfish? I don't really seem to care right now.

My Dad loved competition. He loved his Steelers and Pirates. He definitely loved his kids and loved his grandkids (probably) more. It is just a shame the world is void of that kind of love now. It feels like (to me anyway) that a big chunk is missing from this world.

It's 2007 now. After today, it'll be one year since he has passed away and not "in the past year my Dad died." I won't be able to say that anymore. I am glad about that. It is good that time is passing. It is probably the only thing that makes it bearable for everyone. Time.

Everyday I have a thought that flutters through my head when I have doubts. Doubts about 'feeling' like doing my job, or not being in the 'mood' to do something I must. The thought is... I want my Dad to be proud of me. I know for certain it pushes me at work. Probably too much. Kids say to me in class sometimes, "We don't have any other teachers that would do what you just did." I don't think that is because I am special or something... but probably because I am driven. I am pushed by my Dad still. Growing up I always wanted to do well for him so that he would notice me. All of those football practices in the heat, rain, mud or with a 102 degree fever, I kept pushing myself. I know that wherever he is now... I want him to look down on me and notice me still.

It's all I can do to keep myself going. Just keep thinking about how he would want me to be the best. So that's what I do. To some it seems that I am not a "mess" about him. But, in reality "my mess" is inside driving me to keep working... to keep being a great dad... to keep being a great husband. I must have a pretty good mess going... because I must admit, I have been doing a pretty decent job.

After a year of being with out my Dad, that's all I can do.

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